I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
