You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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