If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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