she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
