i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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