Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
