didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
