he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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