all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
