I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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