11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
