Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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