is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
