i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
