unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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