I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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