I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
