It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think i have two assholes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
