Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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