Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
