this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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