then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
