Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
