I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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