You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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