She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
