you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
