Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
