i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
