please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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