i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
