How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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