he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
