i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
