Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
