i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
