I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
