He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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