someone threw a dead crab at me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
