after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
