Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They have beer where we have blood.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
