Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
