so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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