so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
