just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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