Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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