It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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