Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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