i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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