I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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