dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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