I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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