i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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